Series of Ramblings about my day and otherness

it's six minutes to midnight.  i'm smelling the burnt smell of cookie batter that fell into the oven, and listening to Celtic Woman's Caledonia - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v28is4jFWeo.
the chocolate chunk cookies are looking deliciously crunchy and chewy and chocolatey and all those things that they ought to be, cooling on the bench while I type.
the dishes are waiting on the bench.  no-one did them.  there haven't been enough people around to do them, since a couple of my brothers left - one to go flatting, and another to rather suddenly elope with and marry a beautiful girl over in the States (read the story here).

Finished my last exam today.  I was scared of it, anxious for a couple of days, which was all the time I'd given myself to study.   Studied with a fellow student, Grace, and talked about being a christian, and churches.  Maybe she'll come along to Campus Church, like I asked her too?  ...this morning I got up at around 6:30, with great intentions to stay awake and study for an hour before walking (40 mins) to uni and studying 'til 2:30, which was when the darn exam was.  but I kinda have a way of sleeping in between trying to read my Bible, and falling asleep and waking up and falling asleep after my alarm wakes me.  and  it's all not very disciplined, though it is the most delicious, luxuriant feeling to sleep past the alarm in the mornings.

So I studied at uni, finally.  And worried, and bit my fingernails.  ...boyfriend alex has told me times without number to stop biting my nails.  I have a feeling he doesn't care much what my nails look like, but he knows that deep, deep down I care.  So he's just the lovingest and always tells me reprovingly to stop, and to promise him to stop!  but I can never promise truthfully, because I know that when the temptation comes... or when I get nervous about an exam or essay... good intentions will melt and nail-ends will become ragged.

For all that worry and so-short nails, the exam was good.  It was stimulating.  It was about the 60s, and the Civil Rights Movement, and Feminism, and Gay Rights and Abortion.  and I was happy and productive, filling ten sheets of paper carefully, hurting my fingers and wrist with the pressure.  Thankfully I had three hours in which to write answers to two questions, so a happy amount of time.  Because these questions were my questions and I felt them and believed what I wrote.  and that felt very good.  our souls get tired and strained when they feel out of place and unneeded at university.  we analyze and remember and structure but we get tired, tired.  because there is more to life, but exams and tests and essays trick us for moments into believing otherwise.

Because you will be happy if you make them, I wanted to share this excellent recipe that I found while searching for a chocolate chunk cookie recipe.  They were the first I found and they are good.

2 cups flour
pinch of salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
170g butter melted and allowed to cool a little
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
1 large egg & 1 egg yolk
2 tsp vanilla essence
1 1/2 cups dark and white chocolate chunks/whatever you happen to have around

Do the normal thing.  Preheat the oven to 165C.  Sift the flour & soda.  Beat the sugar into the butter & mix in the eggs & vanilla.  Then mix the flour into the wet & add the chocolate.  Remember to add the extra half cup of chocolate:  I didn't, and now I have half a cup of chopped dark chocolate sitting on the bench.  The mixture will be kinda cakey-wet, so leave it for like 2-5 mins until it forms up.  Then form it into balls & stick 'em on a greased tray.  Bake them for 15-20 mins, whatever floats your boat.

Eat them with blue milk and be quite happy.  Share them around with your family/friends and be happier still.

New happiness

Many new and exciting things have happened since I last wrote.

Several months ago I started to like clothes.  I never had particularly cared about them before.
And shoes!
As a result, my wardrobe is full of 'thrifted' or bargain clothing - dresses and tops and jeans, a dizzying number of belts, and shoes.  They are all arrayed as they never had been before.  Clothing that had never been loved and never would be was unmercifully separated from cherished pieces and pushed into big boxes.  Necklaces and belts now dangle spectacularly over the shoes arrayed on the top of a new dresser in my wardrobe (thanks Esther for the upgrade!).
I generally leave one half of the wardrobe open so that I can glance over at the prettiness and feel happy.

I suppose this is all rather strange goings on; it's exciting for me because it's all so new.  Clothes are so new, and exciting!  Going to opshops has become a heart-thumping adventure, that can be so thrilling (carrying home a truly satisfying piece) or tragic (if the store is shut before I get there).

There are so many things that one could wear!

Something I've noted about all this happy clothes-hunting:  It would be so very easy to let clothes take over my heart's affections, to put it in a Victorian-esque way.  To turn into someone who cares for friends and clothes and nothing else.  (Scary thought indeed).  Jesus needs to be most loved - a constant process of loving him first - and then I can love whatever else I will.  And those loves will be clothes family, and lesser important things like clothes.

Here are some beautiful sites I've come across:

Ruche: http://shopruche.com/
A Beautiful Mess: http://abeautifulmess.typepad.com/
Saturated Canary: http://saturatedcanary.blogspot.com/p/fashion-pinup.html
etc. etc. etc.

...when I'm meant to be studying (or sleeping, as in now).

And what all this means is that I want to start sewing.  And I want to do exciting, crazy things; more exciting and more crazy than usual.  And I want to be 'myself' - a cliched phrase because it's so awfully true.
And.. there's so much more I could say, but I should sleep.  Soon I will be finished Uni, and I'll be able to write on here more I hope. :)