clear, opaque

Something is closing my throat, I am breathing shallowly.
This external case can show you, when you see with your mind, that this spirit is restless.
And if it was billowing with wind outside, in that studded dark
my external shell could transform
become translucent dust
then I would soar with them, light-pierced, so free
wherever the impatient wind decided

I would not perform as I feel my mind forcing this cast to do
how could I?
Those entrapments gone and it is
merely a free spirit
a once imprisoned mind
tossing in the careless whim of embracing air

....

I desire to experience this throbbing
this weakness
in that part of me that resists my mind's attempt to conciliate
truth I fully believe
with this beautiful pain; wounds self-inflicted
twisting deeper into the raw, undiscovered territory
of this conflicted mind

This is pain that I could not have had courage
to wish for myself
but perhaps
it is true that those desires that torture
take the soul in half willing captivity
create struggle
freeing truth against wishful desire
we will be changed
made more beautiful
our desires
more our own than before
we are one with him.

p.s. this one's for you, God.

- Lydie