this God who serves us

You know me.
Past the shadow of
what appears to be substantial,
everything that I think forms
who I am
But I am not,
and You know.

Your eyes,
lasers
burning through
the overlapping, too often
irrational desires
That pull me,
trying to tear away
the imprint of Your law
That small, essential part
of Your mind

Because
You bound me
I, reluctant
no longer a slave to this sin
and still
my heart yearning after
the old bondage

And last night
I found I understood You
more than before
Pleasurable knowledge
and
I loved You
when I remembered
this sudden shaft of iridescent light
could only have come from You

And I try to believe You
asking myself why
and
seeing the dark struggle
of my own soul
besieged by sin
if -
You let me stop believing in You

Too dark,
this picture
You force me to grasp Your light
this freedom,
with my weak mind
I can only see You as liberty
because
I must compare it to
hellish sin

But,
too often
I see You as slavery
[and You are]
my sin encrusted soul
making a trap
and feeling the pleasure of
covering darkness

Show me what You are
Your beauty and purity
blind me
purge
the lingering shadows
lurking darkness of
this evil mind
to die
because I had seen
the perfection of Your glory
would perhaps
be too beautiful a death

Collapse my mind
engrave awe
so that I do not sin
God, harness my soul
so that I can never leave You

Claim me, God
because I struggle to claim You.